jeygs and the wheeled warriors is back!

i cannot believe how long it has been since i even visited my blog. it's been 9 years since my last entry.  and so many things have changed!! wow!

oh well, life took over, and it took the best of it.  just an update about me, i am still living in montreal and in my 4th week of working from home due to this covid-19 pandemic that is wreaking havoc all over the world!

how am i holding up?  well, pretty much better than i expected considering the isolation and the absence of anything worthwhile like sports.  obviously, my world has been postponed for a while.  no sports, no travels, nothing.  but this is a small price to pay to be able to be safe.  there are a lot of others out there risking their lives to help make it better.  my niece, gaby is one of them, being a health worker.  anyway, i am back...just don't know till when.  hope to sustain it though!     

stay healthy and be safe!

the need for a change...

leaving everything behind and doing something different from what is expected of you is a difficult decision to make. i guess i’ve always been the academic in the family and the one who dreamt the biggest dreams. i guess i have the perfect ingredients to boot - some intelligence, big guts, and a matured (not boasted) ego! growing up, the expectation to deliver has always been constant. this even went overboard after i finished my bachelor’s degree and decided to pursue not just one, but two master’s degrees! in my early 20s, i remember someone telling me that i am destined to do bigger things. i was even advised that the world out there is bigger than what i thought and imagined it to be, and i can conquer that world only if i wanted to. however, i confined myself with the comfort of staying in the philippines – where all my family and friends are, and basically just doing what i know. it was then when an opportunity that is very hard to pass came along. then i left.

i thought leaving the Philippines and going to a foreign country can break my own stereotype and eventually erase it. i told myself that while it will be tough, i will leave the life that i had and pursue something different. but since i still chose to be in the same industry that i was then, and decided to do post-graduate studies again (and hang out with people of the same caliber and frame of mind), i guess i never really escaped the life that i wanted to escape from. i was on a standstill except that i lost my crazy friends which ironically kept my sanity intact.

the plan. in two years, i WILL quit my job. inasmuch as its value cannot be overemphasize as it pays for my rent, my daily sustenance, and send money back to help my family, i really have to quit lest i lose my sanity. i love what i am doing, and i guess in a much bigger spectrum helps the industry safer, however at the end of the day, i am no longer motivated. i am no longer into it – i am more bored than ever! i give my heart out but in the end i get nothing in return. on a personal level, it doesn’t fulfill me anymore. what used to be a source of my pride and joy is now merely just a source of livelihood. and it’s not good!
i need this for myself. i need to do this for myself. while i do not know what the future holds (who does, anyway!), what i am certain is that i need this change. i always tell my friends to do what their hearts desire, to go to a place where they think they ought to be...but where am i right now? i am thousands of miles away from home, but still it’s as if i never left because i am still stuck at the same things which i long have been wanting to escape from.

so where do i go from here? where do i REALLY want to go? what do i REALLY want to do? and who do i REALLY want to be?

in two years, i will have my own business, pursue my dream of that elusive PhD degree (this is one thing i will not want to hide from or change), do some social development research, teach on the side, go back home and put up my own NGO or help an NGO – help people help themselves, and be a better person! sound easy although i find it daunting!

time flies very fast and the next thing you know you are in your 40s or 50s...the worst thing that i will do to myself is to wake up one day and blame myself for not doing what i really want to do. i owe myself this change. its been long-standing and lingering for more than a decade now. It’s either i do it or just totally stop the whole idea, and accept the fact that this is my destiny. it’s either i lose this battle or i win it!

mi ultimo decision? change and win it...big time!

falling...getting tested...learning

“we will all at some time in our lives, fall. life is so very fragile, we are all vulnerable, and we will all at some point in our lives, fall, we will all fall. we must carry this in our hearts, that what we have is special, that it can be taken from us, and that when it is taken from us, we will be tested. we will be tested to our very souls. we will all be tested. it is these times, it is this pain, that allows us to look inside ourselves” – eric taylor

happy birthday to me

my birthday was a work day. to be quite frank, my birthdays have always been usual days. it is so unremarkable that my i am writing my birthday entry just now! :-)
but don't get me wrong, i always celebrate life. life has always been good to me and i embrace it with so much passion. to say the least, my life has always been full of surprises and unplanned turns.

today is different though, being far is never easy for me. i don't know how long i can hold on to this situation. however, i also know that this could be forever. i am very far away from all of my comfort zones, and from the people i hold dear to me. nevertheless, this is an opportunity i cannot pass and a blessing i have to be thankful for. i will be here for the meantime.

unexpectedly, my friends at the office surprised me with a birthday cake! what made it special was the fact that it was baked by a close friend there! in an environment where i am surrounded by foreigners (we are like the UN, diversity-speaking!), it is hard to get accustomed to people's various personalities and shifting moods. i am just glad that i have someone who respects me and where i came from, and totally understands me when i am not in my best element. i also got another surprise from my Filipino friends...they surprised me with a dinner celebration! whoa! in short, it was awesome...i never expected anything from any of them, but they just took away, even for a brief moment, my loneliness and craving for my family and lifelong friends in the Philippines.

in general, i am (even up to this point) amazed to say that my 30th birthday (there i go with my REAL age!) was a great blast. i got the best cards from my sister and mother, text messages from the Philippines and Canada, and just yesterday, i got a huge card in from my friends at Philippine Airlines! it was great....these things might not have happened if i were still back home....come on, some of my brothers even forgot to greet me! hahahahaha!

thank you all for making my birthday special!

maybe this time

maybe this time…Posted on January 24th, 2009 in Uncategorized | Edit

maybe this time…maybe this time love won’t end…so goes michael murphy’s song. and who knows? hehehehe!

i’ve always loved this song…and for some strange reasons, i have been singing it lately. nope…nothing uncommon is happening. i am completely at peace with my pastsss, and this is true (hahahahaha! go convince them some more!). but sans the humor, i just really like this song. albeit the melancholic tune, the lyrics tell a powerful story of an almost unconsumed love that found each other again. what was good about it was that it seemed that the past didn’t matter. the past was kept where it should be…in the past.

Maybe This Time

Two old friends meet again
Wearin’ older faces
And talk about the places they’ve been

Two old sweethearts who fell apart
Somewhere long ago
How are they to know
Someday they’d meet again
And have a need for more than reminiscin’

Maybe this time
It’ll be lovin’ they’ll find
Maybe now they can be more than just friends
She’s back in his life
And it feels so right
Maybe this time, love won’t end

It’s the same old feeling back again
It’s the one that they had way back when
They were too young to know when love is real
But somehow, some things never change
And even time hasn’t cooled the flame
It’s burnin’ even brighter than it did before
It got another chance, and if they take it…

Maybe this time
It’ll be lovin’ they’ll find
Maybe now they can be more than just friends
She’s back in his life
And it feels so right
Maybe this time, love won’t end

She’s smilin’ like she used to smile way back then
She’s feelin’ like she used to feel way back when
They tried, but somethin’ kept them
Waiting for this magic moment

Maybe this time
It’ll be lovin’ they’ll find
Maybe now they can be more than just friends
She’s back in his life
And it feels so right
Maybe this time…

Maybe this time
Maybe this time love won’t end

a colorful victory

i watched the inaugration of barack obama, america's 44th and first black president. our president. i always tell my friends this; his victory is our victory. his is not only the triumph of the blacks, but laso the victory of all the people with color. and that incudes me! i am just so glad that this happened during my lifetime. it was inconceivable some five years ago. but look at where we are right now. cynicism and disparagement became a surreal reality.

this is 200 years in the making. the so-called america’s original sin now in power. a majestic victory. this is a case were yesterday’s history is just history. obama’s family, will now ironically reside at the white house, the very same abode constructed by the black slaves. obama definitely re-writes history.

i am certain that racism will not die upon obama's assumption into office. however, i am a staunch beleiver of beginnings. at least this is a beginning of something. obama's victory starts an era where everything is possible. people's empowerment is at all-time high. and that is not just in america, but all over the world. i can only surmise that never in the world's history did people anticipated and waited and tuned in to the swearing in of america's new president. well, this is at least my first time. the democratic primary was also my first time to really be glued in america's politics.

i am just happy. i may not be american, but i am a citizen of the world. and i repeat, his victory is mine as well. this is indeed a colorful victory.

being accepting and giving in to compromises

i never really liked compromises. i remember when i was way younger, i used to really and literally scold my friends for settling into various compromises. may it be compromises in their studies, love lives, or anything. back then, white is white and black is black for me. grey just never really existed in my own dictionary. but as i age and become wiser, i figured, i was right all along.

however, if it were an option for others, compromises should never be a habit, otherwise, it will penetrate your system and always have it as an excuse in whatever decision you hand down.

i am not saying that things are always smooth for me. difficult situations which have no easy and instant solutions at hand need considerable time and a lot of thinking. i can say that i am now more accepting...hmmm...accepting seems a nice and better word. is it synomymous to making compromises or concessions? i don't think so. methinks that being accepting as distinguished from the C word means you are more open to possibilities. it maybe vague possibilities that may lead to something else. however, it doesn't necessarily mean giving in to things you don't believe in or principle bending. to yield is to compromise. to accept is to be understanding that things cannot be done in the offing....but not giving in to it...get it?